Where is love to be found? Is it on Tinder? Or is it still just in the pub? Have dating apps had their day? Or is a new generation of digital matchmakers on the horizon?
Editors from De Standaard are setting out to find the answer; they’re not just talking to people in relationships, but are also going out to find a partner themselves – online, on video and in a podcast.
An AI chatbot that determines who your ideal partner is, based on your personality, interests and dating preferences. Or one that goes on a date with a potential match in your place, so you no longer waste time on awkward first meetings. It sounds like a dystopia, but by 2026 such scenarios are a reality. Now that more and more people are fed up with swiping, popular dating apps are turning to AI tools that not only make the search for love easier, but also take over part of it.
For example, Grindr is currently testing the first ‘AI wingman’, a personal sidekick that searches for potential matches based on your dating preferences. The wingman also helps users create a compelling profile, plan dates or reply to messages from matches.
But it doesn’t stop there. Over time, that wingman will evolve into an ‘AI agent’, said Grindr CEO George Arison. This is an autonomous tool that can handle the practical details of a date, such as making a restaurant booking, or chat with other chatbots to check whether users are truly compatible. Bot-to-bot conversations can also save people time by quickly spotting deal-breakers, says Arison.
Prompt your partner
“Dating apps have long used smart algorithms to generate interesting matches,” says Andres Algaba, a data researcher at the VUB. “But the fact that they automatically suggest and generate messages, even amongst themselves, is new. They do this well: language models can analyse your profile and those of others in detail, and send personalised messages based on that. The AI bot becomes a kind of intermediary that knows you and your conversation partner very well. There’s a huge future in that.”
On Facebook Dating, users in Canada and the United States can already search for their ideal partner using a personal chatbot or ‘dating assistant’. For example, you can ask this assistant to show you someone your age who enjoys skiing, or someone in your area with a master’s degree. It has also launched the ‘Meet Cute’ feature, which suggests a number of ‘surprise matches’ to users every week. Based on your preferences, the bot selects a handful of personalised matches from thousands of profiles.
Hinge, meanwhile, has developed an AI tool that provides users with feedback on their profile, and has applied AI to its users’ data to refine its algorithms. With success, as according to CEO Justin McLeod, the updated algorithm delivers 15 per cent more matches. Finally, Tinder is experimenting with ‘Chemistry’, an AI tool that uses interactive questions and photos on your smartphone to search for matches.
“The world’s smartest matchmaker”
Tinder and Hinge are part of Match Group, the largest player in the online dating industry. Match Group has an estimated market share of 30 to 40 per cent and owns more than 40 dating apps and services. Since the appointment of CEO Spencer Rascoff last year, the company has been fully embracing AI. “AI is transforming how people connect,” writes Rascoff on LinkedIn. “We use it to find better matches and start more meaningful conversations. To be clear: with these innovations, we don’t want to replace human connection, but rather deepen it.”
Bumble, Match Group’s biggest competitor, is going one step further: CEO Whitney Wolfe Herd aims to create the “smartest and most emotionally intelligent matchmaker in the world” in the form of a ‘Dating Concierge’. This service will not only suggest matches based on photos and demographic preferences, but will also take into account attachment styles and “emotional patterns” such as past relationships and communication style.
Emotional criteria
According to Herd, the bot is better than users at assessing whether matches are truly compatible, because people swipe based on superficial and random criteria. But personal matchmaker and singles expert Annemieke Dubois, founder of Jade & Jules, views these developments with concern. “I understand that apps use AI for logistical support. I myself use an automated system that screens for ‘hard’ characteristics such as place of residence and interests.”
“But emotional criteria, such as attachment or communication style, are harder to translate into algorithms. I only gradually gain insight into those matters myself after many in-depth conversations. The people who come to me often cannot even articulate why they communicate or form attachments in a certain way. Let alone pass that information on to a chatbot.”
Offline dating
For dating apps, AI is primarily a way to combat the growing phenomenon of “swiping fatigue”. “I see a lot of people who are burnt out by the constant rejection on dating apps,” says Dubois. “We are reduced to visual data and do the same to others. That makes people anxious and cynical.” Yet AI won’t take that anxiety away, says Dubois. “Companies are jumping on the AI bandwagon to combat burnout, but the underlying business model remains the same: an addictive algorithm that convinces users that there is always more and better out there.”
Such chatbots can also make it harder for us to form relationships, says Dubois. “If the bot sorts everything out for you, will we still know how to flirt? Or how to deal with conflict? Those are the things that make or break relationships. If you want a lasting relationship, you’ll have to do that emotional work yourself.” “What’s more: fourteen years after the launch of Tinder, we seem to be realising that we need authenticity in dating,” says Dubois. “Big tech will undoubtedly jump on the AI bandwagon, but the question remains whether users are really looking for that. In any case, I see a large group of singles who, more than ever, long for a slower, offline form of dating.”